Writing about the day to day mysteries of life.
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Friday, March 5, 2010

Shhh.... don't blow my cover

 Shhh, don't say anything, keep it quiet.  Juno here, that human servant I live with is up in the shower.  She thinks I can't type, the whole paw thing, you know.  I can do lots of things, unlike those dog dunderheads I live with.  They are so dumb, they run to the door every time it opens, like a bacon burger is going to be standing there.  I tell them every time not to get up, but do they listen?  They are so stoopid, they let frogs sleep on them!  That fish that I ate from the glass bowl, at least was smart enough to flip me off with it's tail, before I chewed off it's head.  Why do humans bother with other species for pets, it is just pitiful.  

I have to tell you what happened to me and the injustice of it all.  I was up early as usual, just prowling my domain, when I discovered a snake.  Little no-footed bastard was trying to horn in on my territory.  So, I am flipping it around, snacking a little (tastes like chicken, I know this cause I licked the chicken my furless chatalaine was chopping up a few days ago) when one of those fast-moving, miniatures peoples starts shrieking.  Doesn't she realize that cats have very sensitive ears!  That inconsiderate minion takes it from me and throws it outside.  I am twitching my tail and meowing as angrily as I can, but she ignores me and does it anyway.  

You know, I am of course forced to pay them back.  I have learned from that little white-headed dervish to act cute for a few minutes and then I can do my evil deeds and be forgiven.  I think later I am going to throw up on the carpet and not the tile.  I will bite a few ankles and I am definitely going to shred some fabric in that warm sunny room my bumbling care-taker likes so much.  They just never learn who is in charge here!

Wait I hear something, she is coming, nap time!  I have to warm up the purrcolator.  Don't say a word or I will find you!

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