Writing about the day to day mysteries of life.

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Flip-Flops and Flitting

Here is a picture of March's quiltlet, it is quite small (as usual, a bad picture).  It is red, white and blue for DC.

This morning I met some of the other kindergarten moms to stuff Easter Eggs.  After that I wandered down to DSW to look at summer shoes.  I love summer shoes.  I am a big fan of flip-flops.  They had two complete aisles of flip-flops.  Whoohoo.  I oohed and aahed and bought two pair.  I walked farther down the mall to the pedicure place where I have a gift certificate, but they had no openings.  I don't have freshly painted toes to go with the shoes.  You can't have everything in life.

I am flitting around the house and yard like a butterfly.  I can't seem to stay with one thing for very long.  A little quilting, a little laundry, a little sweeping, a little reading means a whole lot of nothing being accomplished.  It is a good day to enjoy the sunshine. It is one of those days where it is warmer outside than inside, the pets and I are following the sun from room to room.  I am going to hang up the hummingbird feeder, I just decided!

On Monday Ned and I took a nature walk.  I haven't been down to the meadow in ages.  It was rainy, but quite fun.  Ned showed me some of his favorite things.  I didn't realize quite how far and wide the boys wander.  He showed my stick nasty, the creepy woods, the haunted house, goose poop, a huge ant nest and a decaying deer carcas.  I showed him a wood pecker, magnolia blooms, the neighbors espaliered camelias, an interesting wood pattern, and brought along the clippers so he could make a bouquet for Ellen's birthday.  The flowers were his idea and not mine.  We both had a wonderful time.

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Ned - who else and Nike

Ned makes me a crazy mom.  He is so the Liar from Saturday Night Live.  He topped it yesterday when Ellen was telling me she voted for Sandra Bullock on the Kid's Choice Awards.  Ned actually said, "oh yeah, I met Sandra Bullock." 

Ned also has pink-eye.  I am not convinced that I don't have it as well.  I was telling Teri on Thursday that my eye is sore.  I hate missing work and having Ned miss school for something lame and piddly like pink-eye.  We went to Minute Clinic, since it is Sunday.  Ned asked if we could just call 1-800-PINKEYE instead? The Dr. tells me to watch for swelling, tenderness and red streaking down his face.  If that happens to go to the ER.  He has pink-eye, not gangrene.  

My new job title is Catastrophe Analyst, yes this is a real job!   I am no longer MOM, I am the C.A.   No matter how hard I analyze a situation, there always seems to be a catastrophe. I like to think all my quick thinking allows us to have only minor catastrophes.   But truly, someone is getting paid big bucks to do such a nebulous job. 

I did slightly divert a catastrophe by only hitting the back end of a deer with the back end of my truck.  We were almost past the deer, when it ran out on the road.  It tried to pull up, before it hit us.  It swung around and I clipped it's flank.  It rolled over several times (not a pretty sight) and then ran into the forest.  It was a weird accident, just a small dent on the car.   Joe Isuzu announced that it's tail fell off and was lying in the road. 

My friend, Wendy, suggested I try my corporate commenting on a company like Nike, so that I get free shoes.  I really didn't know I would get a better cable date by bringing it up!  I don't think Nike will send me free stuff for the following reasons. 

1. I have been boycotting Nike for about seven years, because I bought the most uncomfortable pair of tennis shoes ever.  They were crippling uncomfortable.  Also, with the tennis shoes I bought a tennis skort.  Damn thing had no pockets.  It was wide to look like a skirt, so you couldn't tuck up a ball.  Having no where to put a ball makes tennis almost impossible.  It was definitely form over function.

2. I buy Under Armour because they are based in Baltimore. 

3.  They are the cool product with all the kids.  They look so cute in the tight shirts that always seem to hang to their knees. 

If I want free stuff, I need to aim high and hope for something from Tiffanys.   A girl can always dream.

"Go back," said the weather. And so it did.  Spring, where are you?

My last Ned story....for today.  I heard him ask Ellen and Ian how you say konichiwa in spanish? 

Friday, March 26, 2010

Quotes and Quotables

After taking the kids to the bus, I spend a few, some, way too many minutes on my computer.  I am a cyber-voyeur.  From my dashboard I can endlessly hop from blog to blog.  It doesn't seem to repeat and groups by topics.  Which is a bummer when you loop into blogs about fungi.  I know that little Jaako is skiing at daycare. I know that Mary has planted a new tree.  I know Christopher's cats won't stop fighting.  I know that somewhere in Malaysia there is a student riot.  What I don't know is who these people are.  I am fascinated with all the different words, situations and lives going on in this big, but very small world.  I have also been reading magazines more than usual.  I generally don't read magazines at home or short stories, I just get into it and then it is over.  I have come across a few good quotes this week and thought I would share them.

"No age group takes itself more seriously than teenagers." - John Huges
"The world breaks everyone.  And afterward many are strong in the broken places." - Ernest Hemingway
"Have regrets. They are fuel.  On the page they flare to desire." - Geoff Dyer
"Ethiopia didn't just blow my mind.  It opened my mind." - Bono
"What will survive is love." - Larkin
"Don't eat more than you can lift." - Miss Piggy

This week has also been a week of quotables.  To me, quotables are dubious quotes or things overheard.  They have that element of huh, well duh or what?  None of these quotables were from the kids, unfortunately this foolishness is from adults.  Cringe worthy, but I am not going to comment.  Please know I am rolling my eyes and twitching.

I listened to a woman complain about the scratches on her car and how insurance won't let them file a claim. The scratches were from her husband clearing the snow off with the snow shovel.

A blog profile that lists how fun she is, her passions are order and hygiene.

I was reading a book review, can't remember the title, but the author tells that her book is going to be new and exciting.  She is going to write about vampires going mainstream.  I have to comment on this one, has this woman been sheltering under a rock?

I read a bible school protocol manual (not my church and am not sure why I was reading it) the instructor is "to use the word dark and not black, some ethnic groups might be offended".   This one is paired with overhearing two people discussing if they are allowed to call themselves white. 

A world full of ninnies.  I have a good one on me.  Two years ago when we went to New York I was telling Ian that the Statue of Liberty flame is a real flame.  It has been burning since they put up the statue.  The New Yorker behind me is snorting.  The flame is painted. Stupid tourist!   I have seen the eternal flame at Oral Roberts University - big whoopee!

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Misc. and Mint

My clematis (last year's picture) is getting buds, that sentence sounds slightly obscene.  Teri helped me plant it three years ago.  She did all the work and I helped by standing over her.  I am a terrible gardener and she kept telling me it was going to die where I chose to put it.  Surprise, it is the only thing I have planted that does well.  It is pale purple with small flowers.  We had a family of red-headed finches in it last year. 

I was telling Teri this blah, blah, blah story about buying stuff that didn't work and I can't find the receipt to return them.  I told Teri I had been shopping at "Bed, Bath and Behind."   We both needed a good laugh.

Ellen was telling me this convoluted story, that shows how differently everyone thinks.  Lately, everything starts with "guess what," now this is meant literally.  All three kids do it and there is just no way to guess, but the story won't progress until I actually guess.  Ellen tells me she got a new book, "guess what it is called?" 

"Ellen, I have no clue, give me a hint."

"Mom, puss-in-boots."  I really have no clue, absolutely nothing comes to my mind. 

"Ellen, go ahead just tell me the title.", said with my usual bewilderment and impatience.

She tells me the book is named "These Boots Were Made For Stalking".  Okay, I ponder for awhile on this, and no way can I make a connection.  It is a series of dreadful, but popular, books with clever names. I think of nothing to help me.

Ellen tells me, slightly perplexed, like I am being simple, "Puss-in Boots sang "These Boots Were Made for Walking" in "Far, Far Away Idol".  Way too many leaps for me to follow.  The whole conversation made me think of Kevin Bacon and six degrees of separation.  Was Kevin Bacon in Shrek?

Riley and Hoover have reached the age where they don't eat everything inside and outside.  For labradors that is approximately the age of ten, but even now I will find something unexpected chewed up.  They will stand outside and eat a bird wing or an entire rubber ball, but they won't touch mint.  They really need to eat mint, some weird cosmic mix-up for sure. My personal space right now is chokingly permeated with dog breath and gas, ugh!   The kids and I were discussing what heaven would smell like.  We all agreed on freshly made chocolate chip cookies.  Other scents discussed were mint, lemon, mown grass, and bacon.

Ned is dying for lacrosse practice to start tomorrow.  The anticipation again prompted his famous quote, "the day before tomorrow is really far away."  Last night he kept asking me, "when is the day before tomorrow?"  He is quivering with excitement to carry all his gear on the bus. This is a big deal!!

I have this quilt I want to start, but it is really nice fabric and I don't want to goof up.  I make so many crazy mistakes, I am scared to cut it. Teri gave me a set of Dupioni silks in shades of red for my birthday.  The pattern is easy, but I have troubles even with easy.  I didn't buy enough fusible of course, so I have to go back to Joann's.  That is mistake #1.  I finished my March quilt and will have to post a picture.  At the National Portrait gallery the artist Chuck Close had these tiny portraits.  Each portrait was about 4"x4" and took up to a year to complete.  I was so impressed by them, that I made a small quilt.  It is a quiltlet, I guess.

Monday, March 22, 2010

Comcast and Art Activities

Last week, I was listening to NPR and they were discussing how large companies are trying to use the internet and social networking for "advertising."  Large corps. are trying to find new ways to reach consumers.  Later that day I wrote a post on this blog and mentioned I was waiting for Comcast to install the cable for my new tv.  I got a comment from Comcast saying they could work on getting a better date.  SWEET! The cable guy is coming on Wednesday.  Years ago I heard that for every positive experience you tell three people.  For every negative experience the average person tells eleven people about it.  I am having a positive experience, but don't actually know if I am telling more than three people about it.  I don't know who reads this, so I am assuming there are at least three of you to hear my positive experience.  I told the kids about it, so that is already three people (sometimes they are human).  We all know they tell everyone everything, so the word will spread quickly.  Thanks, Comcast, if you read this.  Oh, and Ellen "LOVES the name Xfinity."

The kids are on spring break for the last fifty-seven days, feels like fifty-seven, today anyway.  I have tried to engage them in art projects, but only Ned will take me up on the activities.  I am sure Ned won't do art projects with me soon, but for now he enjoys them.  I read my friend Cheryl's weekly project blog, oh shoot, I can't remember the name.  I think it is on my page, if not, I will add it.  Anyway, she motivated me to drag out the fabric paints.  Ned and I painted on spare pieces of batting and a spare scarf left over by Aunt Teri.  We have to let them dry and then set, but here is a wet picture.  Ned and I also made fabric robots with misc. stuff.  I have included a picture of that also. 

It is so nice to have longer days and warmer weather.  The snowdrops and daffodils are out and the cherry trees are getting blooms.  

Friday, March 19, 2010

Sunshine and Ned

Today is a gorgeous day.  I was sitting in my permanently indented spot on the couch, when Ned came in.  He shouts out, "sun," and curls up.  He is cuddly. Absolutely a perfect day.

We went to the movie "Diary of a Wimpy Kid".  It was really good.  The books are cute and the movie did a good job of making you cringe.  The casting was excellent.  My friend and I laughed harder than the kids. The farther away from junior high you are, the funnier it is. 

I am off to barbecue hot dogs and hamburgers, this will be the first time in a very long time.  It is nice to not be buried in snow.  We are going to fire up the fire pit, the ground is covered with sticks.  I bought some marshmallows, I wonder if I have any chocolate bars?  Could we just sprinkle M&M's?

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Stink Bugs and Sushi

I bought a new tv for a combined birthday gift for all four of us.  Ellen wasn't crazy about this plan, she wants wrapped presents.  I hope I don't send her into therapy.  I can hear it now, "....and then there was the year my mom didn't give me any presents."  It will be great when we can use it.  Comcast can't come out until April 6, so for now it is sitting around accumulating dust.

I cleaned and rearranged the living room to add the tv and the room is filled with stink bugs.  At least that is what Ned tells me they are, he is always rescuing them.  The bugs in question are dessicated, brown, lumbering, prehistoric looking things.  They must taste bad, because the cat and dogs won't touch them.  I haven't sniffed one to know if they stink.  We had them all winter, why did so many not die off?  It is very odd.  I am not running a nature preserve.  I have a live and let live attitude for critters outside my house, but why do they keep coming inside.  I already care for plenty-o creatures.

Yesterday, I watched a hawk fly across eight lanes of free-way traffic.  It was almost nailed by a semi, that crazy bird needed an air traffic controller.  I bet that truck driver was freaked out when a giant bird flew across his wind-shield.  The hawk barely made it across. It landed in a tree on the other side.  Why did the hawk cross the road?

I went out with friends for sushi last night.  It was excellent.  We went to Thai One On.  I had shrimp tempura and avocado with crab and spicy teriyaki sauce on top.  I also had a salad with ginger dressing, super yum.  My friends taught me the bump app for my iphone.  On my way home from sushi I had an escapade and I am not sure I did the right thing.

I was on Joppa road by Blakehurst and a car is stopped in the middle of the road with  the car door wide open.  The young woman is standing outside the car crying.  I stop to help her.  She is about twenty-four and absolutely shit-faced.  I tell her to go stand on the curb and I pull her car over to the side and turn on the flashers.  She has a flat tire and a flat spare.  This girl has no clue where she is or where she was going.  She calls her boyfriend and he says he will come get her.  I stay with her,  she is a hysterical wreck.  She is so trashed she drops trou and pees in the road.   Her boyfriend pulls up and stops his car in the middle of the road, hops out and leaves the door open.  I tell him to move his car to the side and close the door.  I don't think this young generation has my much practical, common sense.  She had never had a flat.  I ask them repeatedly, he isn't going to let her drive? He says no, but they also didn't want to leave the car.  With a flat and no spare, they hopefully left it there.  Should I have driven her home and brought him back?  I worried all night that they fixed it and he let her drive home drunk.  Should I have called the police?  I just don't know if I did the right thing. 

We are in spring mode right now, seventy degrees and sunny.  Saturday is the spring equinox.  Three years ago, the kids and I planted a lilac to honor my ex-father-in-law's  death.  The kids call it the poppy plant.  I hope it makes it this year.  It was under the snow plow pile.  The boys dug it out and we are hoping for the best.  It didn't bloom at all last year.  I love lilacs.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Pinheads and Pinstripes

Two things I assumed we all held "self-evident", but obviously not.  1). If you want to be taken seriously, you must wear pants. "You are looking like a fool with your pants on the ground."  2).  If you are running for President, making a sex tape is a really bad idea, monumentally bad in fact.

I do realize it is all made for tv, but Rielle Hunter, could not possibly have thought she would be credible with no pants.  How many serious interviews have been done with the person unclad.  I bet even the Romans donned their togas.  The boudoir shot, that she didn't realize would be used, what a joke.  There is a reason that the "power suit" was invented.  A suit covers a whole lot of a person's assets.  Now the person can still show what an ass they are, John Edwards, but it won't be as readily obvious.  He confirmed he was a pinhead in pinstripes with the sex tape.  That was really just a "well duh" plan, you would think?  I think no thinking was involved actually.  It is fortunate for Americans he never made it that far,  natural selection (too bad my theory didn't work with Bush).

Last night, I had great company with a guy, good food and over two hours of conversation.  As I was riding the metro home, I realized that would be a date.  

I spent the last three days in DC.  I stayed with M&C and had a marvelous time.  I do have to show you my blister picture.  I had one on both feet, it was/is owie-zowie.  I made a bad choice for shoe selection and really payed for it.  I have been hobbling around.  It rained for three days straight, and of course today is bright and sunny.  I met Ron (my brother) for sight-seeing and man did we see it all.  We even got to see the St. Patrick's Day parade, soggy, but the Irish are used to rainy weather.  I think St. Patrick's Day is a d-u-m-b holiday.  Ron and I saw two beer-bellied fatties in kilts and I am still sorry I didn't get my picture taken with them.  They were probably the only two men in the world who didn't look good in a kilt.  It was a great weekend to see DC, the rain kept people away I think.  We were able see things (I just reduced the Smithsonian Collection to the word "things") without the crowds.  We did not tromp all the way to the Lincoln, but saw many of the museums.  I loved the Portrait Gallery, it was my favorite museum this trip.  The museum had a portrait contest exhibit, it was excellent.  Ron and I met up with his wife after her convention and had dinner with C&M.  Then Cazz gave his famous night-time tour.  I really love DC.  I feel lucky that we live so close to it.  The kids were not along, so it was quiet with no crazy stories.  It was relaxing.

Today, I am off to chemo -  oh, whoohoo!  I am going to nap in the big, pink chair.  I really pushed myself with all the walking, definitely worth it though.  I  am not a fan of the spring daylight saving adjustment.  I have been staying up too late and getting up too early, a cat nap will be lovely.  A dog nap may be more appropriate, Hoover is lying next to me in a patch of sun, snoring.  I actually bring my iPod, so I don't have to listen to snoring, barfing or tv.

Friday, March 12, 2010

Friends and Control Undergarments

Luckfully, I have lots of friends.  I have many fun friends.  I have many interesting friends.  I have many smart friends.  I can turn a phrase, but am not so good at facts.  I feel like I am the smallest house in the big, fancy neighborhood.  They help provide me with good stories. A friend told me he reads a great blog, but it is on the risque side.  I could pimp up my ride or palm something up, but I am not really rebellious enough to suffer the fall-out.  I think if I decide to write really naughty I will have to adopt a pen name.  I can't tell you what it is, I don't want you to recognize me.

I am going to discuss the really racy subject of control top undergarments.  Yes, I am going to talk about granny underpants, nice visual!  The new support garments are not your mother's girdles.  They don't have buckles anywhere.  They aren't freestanding in the closet.  They are not a dingy white.  They are quite stylish, very fashionable!  Now that my pant size is twice my age, I took a stroll down that aisle.  It may not be a girdle, but it isn't pretty putting them on.  It was like trying to get a bunch of helium balloons into the backseat of the car.  No matter where you push, something pops out on the other side.  I am not excited to wear these garments in the summer.  Squeezed in is torture enough, but add in sweaty.......great.  Have I discussed this before? Sorry if I have, but refer back to the above paragraph.

In case you are wondering if I have set on my couch all morning?  The answer is no, I took a shower.  It is raining and I am just not motivated to literally do anything.  After-all, the boys cleaned house yesterday.  I watched "Australia" on HBO, pretty darn lame movie and fourteen hours long.   I was going to sew, but didn't feel like winding a new bobbin.  I was about to make cookies and realized I have no flour.  I am down to one Diet Coke, so I will have to leave sometime soon.  I really should have servants!

Voles and the National Textile Museum

I want to say first off that I had given up on LOST.  Tuesday's episode was pretty good.  I think I want to see the face-off between Widmore and Linus.

The news keeps touting the benefits of pomegranates, so I have been eating healthy by consuming vast quantities of dark-chocolate-covered-pomegranates.  The dark chocolate is good for me also.  It is good to be a health food nut.

Spring is here and I know this because the cat has been bringing me voles again.  And no I am not going to talk about my cat.  The wild ones and I were at a friend's house yesterday and she was showing us these crazy patterns in her grass.  It is all these trails torn out of the grass at the surface, no holes.  We looked it up and she has meadow voles.  My yard doesn't have those crop circles, so I think I just have plain old voles.   I had never heard of voles until I started reading alphabet books with Ellen as a baby and never saw one until the cat's special delivery.  The internet showed many, many kinds of voles, they are quite cute. They must not be very fast, because the internet also showed all kinds of pictures with people holding them.  I told the boys they are not to pick them up!

I am almost finished re-reading "The Catcher in the Rye" and noticed that J.D. Salinger spelled crummy as crumby. He uses this word a lot.  I looked it up out of curiosity sake (and I needed another hand full of DCCP's).  Either spelling is correct.  The word crumbum is a playful variation for the word crumb.  Why do we need a playful variation for the work crum?  Maybe it was just a crummy/crumby definition.   I just can't take crumby seriously.  I have a crumby muffin top.  I look crummy with a whale's tail.

I have been planning on going to the National Textile Museum (yes, there is one) on Monday, but I am not crazy about the exhibition right now.  It is "Contemporary Japanese Fashion", japanese and fashion are an oxymoron.  After the Japanese gave up kimonos, the entire country went to kitsch.  Cute, clever kitsch, but still kitsch.

Yesterday, the wild ones were home from school for conferences, that is also why we were at a friend's house.  Ellen still had to go since she is middle school, no sympathy from her brothers.  The boys drew up a plan to get a new DSI game, I feel kinda bad that I took such advantage of them.  For the nineteen dollar game, I had them do the following:

pick up all the dog poop, three months worth, GROSS
pick up all the sticks in the backyard
vacuum upstairs and downstairs
dust (haha) upstairs and downstairs
make all the beds, including mine

They finished and Ian said, "but you did nothing." What a glorious morning I had.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Art Work and Tall Tales

Ellen has been working on a picture over the last few days.  She has done a really nice job, she is a good little artist.  Ned sat down tonight after dinner and started working on something.  He was still and quiet for so long, that I finally asked him what he was up to.

Ned just told us he lost a sprinting race, because Kendall leaned down and untied his shoe laces.  That would be quite a feat to untie the laces on a moving boy.  All this is being discussed as Ellen is trying to remember the definitions of action force and air resistance.

I seem to be discussing my cat way too often lately, a sure sign I need to get out more.  The other day every time we opened the back door he would pop up.  When the door closed he would hide behind the grill.  The kids thought this was so funny they did it fifty times in a row.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Old Dogs and Bribery

Due to chemo (I blame everything on chemo) and old age, my eye sight has become increasingly bad.  Today, I was up in my sewing room and saw something moving in the meadow.  I thought it was a fox and then realized it is my old dog.  Every since Riley was a puppy he has gotten wanderlust in the spring. Even though he is fourteen this doesn't seem to have changed.  He can make a jailbreak from the yard through pinholes.  He is entirely deaf and almost blind, so Hoover and I wandered to the meadow to rescue him.  He is blundering through brambles and sticks, catching his feet and having a terrible time.  He has now been puffing and chuffing for half an hour, old man is in terrible shape. It doesn't help that every time Riley wants to go in or out the cat feels the need to rush in front of him.  He can't see the cat so naturally steps on him every time.  He always has a befuddled look as to why there is always a mad cat in his space.  It makes me so sad to see him this way. 

My friend's son told her their dog was the secret keeper and wondered where all the secrets would go when the dog died.  I think that is the best description of a good dog. Think of how much solace Riley has provided.  How many tears he has comforted.  How many celebrations, joys and changes he has witnessed.  How many years he has lived for our family and kept all our secrets.  I know these aren't complete sentences, but put all together, they are a complete story of our dog.  Uber dog deserves a biscuit and so does his equally uber brother. 

Every now and then I decide it will be easier if I take all the kids to an appointment at the same time.  This is always a bad decision.  Any combination other than three works well, but I seem to be a slow learner or a masochist.  Here is the picture of all three kids getting physicals at the same time.  It is good that they have a very patient physician.  This was a situation where even a good bribe didn't help the sillies.

Monday, March 8, 2010

Amazing and Boring

Last night Ian and I saw on the national news that "Bloody Sunday" was 45 years ago.  We watched the black and white footage and were appalled.  Ian asked why did they do that? It is horrible to answer " for the color of their skin."   He has studied the civil rights movement (from a third grade perspective) and recognized Martin Luther King, Jr. when they showed him speaking.  Ian is a very thoughtful thinker, he was quiet a few minutes and said "it really only takes one person to make a difference."  That is the truth of it, for good or bad!!  Ian is amazing.

A friend wrote months ago on FB that you are only allowed to use exclamation points ten times a year, according to her creative writing professor.  I can't live by that, too many things need an exclamation of excitement.  I think having kids is just a series of exclamation points - don't, stop, good job, no way, yes, move, sit, arrgggghhhh!!!

I have found that my life is so boring, that after I write on here and someone mentions they have read my blog, I now have nothing to talk about with them.  I am going to have to hold back on the "good stuff".  Not only am I boring, but also stupidly self-deluding.  I bought Easter candy, because it was on sale.  Oh yeah right, like it won't be on sale in three weeks, or the country will suddenly have a shortage of candy.  Possibly, I will get snowed in and won't be able to buy any.  We all know.....I bought Easter candy early, so I could eat it all!  I just have to make sure I hide the wrappers, so the kids don't catch me.

I feel a cold coming on, so I am going to find a sunny spot and take a nap.

Friday, March 5, 2010

Shhh.... don't blow my cover

 Shhh, don't say anything, keep it quiet.  Juno here, that human servant I live with is up in the shower.  She thinks I can't type, the whole paw thing, you know.  I can do lots of things, unlike those dog dunderheads I live with.  They are so dumb, they run to the door every time it opens, like a bacon burger is going to be standing there.  I tell them every time not to get up, but do they listen?  They are so stoopid, they let frogs sleep on them!  That fish that I ate from the glass bowl, at least was smart enough to flip me off with it's tail, before I chewed off it's head.  Why do humans bother with other species for pets, it is just pitiful.  

I have to tell you what happened to me and the injustice of it all.  I was up early as usual, just prowling my domain, when I discovered a snake.  Little no-footed bastard was trying to horn in on my territory.  So, I am flipping it around, snacking a little (tastes like chicken, I know this cause I licked the chicken my furless chatalaine was chopping up a few days ago) when one of those fast-moving, miniatures peoples starts shrieking.  Doesn't she realize that cats have very sensitive ears!  That inconsiderate minion takes it from me and throws it outside.  I am twitching my tail and meowing as angrily as I can, but she ignores me and does it anyway.  

You know, I am of course forced to pay them back.  I have learned from that little white-headed dervish to act cute for a few minutes and then I can do my evil deeds and be forgiven.  I think later I am going to throw up on the carpet and not the tile.  I will bite a few ankles and I am definitely going to shred some fabric in that warm sunny room my bumbling care-taker likes so much.  They just never learn who is in charge here!

Wait I hear something, she is coming, nap time!  I have to warm up the purrcolator.  Don't say a word or I will find you!

Friday and Snakes

Chum-Chum told me this is his favorite day of the week, this was one of those mornings that makes you glad for the weekend.  Ned pitched an absolute fit this morning.  He kept telling me he was sick, except he seemed fine.  I told him if he is sick then he won't be able to go to the class birthdays this weekend, that got him up and moving.  He was surly about it, but he got out the door.  Turns out, he was mad about the pants I had put out for him to wear.  Normally, I don't lay out their clothes, but those were the only clean pants.  If he had told me the issue, I would have let him wear yesterday's dirty ones.  He can be so cantankerous, with a capital C.

The cat found a snake, yes a snake, and from somewhere in the house.  I am tiptoeing around hoping that snake wasn't co-habitating.  My friend has had a snake in her house and I have been teasing her about it, I should know to keep my mouth closed.  I like nature outside, not inside.  Actually, I don't like snakes outside or inside.  This is not my first snake incident and probably not the last.  Ughhh!!

I have come to the conclusion that I would rather spend my money on dessert rather than cocktails.  I of course have always known this about myself, but reconfirmed it this week.  I went to Woodberry Kitchen with friends.  We had a very yummy dinner.  The cocktail was excellent, but the home-made chocolate pudding with whipped cream was to die for.  I had the best salad as well, excellent ranch dressing.  I have been dreaming of that salad. 

I thought through Ellen's dinner proposal and figured I would let time take it's course.  Smart move (for once) on my part.  This morning she informed me they were just going to be friends.   She still had on party socks for this boy, but they are just good friends.  I am not really sure about the party sock thing, she had on pink argyles.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Car Repairs and Kid Trauma

I had a nice relaxing morning at the car dealership.  I took my car in for routine maintenance.  I sat and watched the Today Show while eating donuts and freshly made popcorn.  It was quite pleasant.  I wonder if they would notice me hanging out even if I don't need car repairs? I went to get my emissions testing and it took less than five minutes.  All this ease ended when I picked up the kids.

Right off the bus, I get the following news:

1.  Ellen asked a boy to go out to dinner with her, bold move, and hopefully one that won't happen soon.  Do I sit with them, next to them, drop them off and come back?  She isn't clear on where they will go.  The only way this will be a match made in heaven is if he wants to go out for hamburgers. 

Her dad asks,"have we discussed sex with her?".  Obviously, WE means ME!  Yes, I have, but dinner doesn't mean anymore than dinner.  Good grief!!    If I thought dinner was a guarantee for anything more than dinner, I would definitely ask out Bono. 

2. Ned's teacher tells me he has been very concerned/worried for me because I had chemo.  He told the class, "his mom has a bag that hangs down and blood comes out."  That is a gross description, I sound like a vampire getting a blood transfusion.  This makes me sad that he is worrying for me.  It really breaks my heart. 

Yesterday, he told me that it was the first day all year that he hasn't gotten into trouble.  That means Ned has had some form of mischief for over 100 days of school. 

3.  Ian sits me on the couch and bursts into tears.  He is whispering that he crashed into one of the girls in his class and "flattened her like a pancake."  He was an absolute wreck.  He sat on my lap and cried for a good ten minutes and then he just snuggled.  Poor guy!!

I have to say, I just had an emotional hour.  The bummer is, they rushed out the door, before I/ME/MOM could get resolution on all of this.  I am sure they have all moved on, but I needed to be able to discuss it with them more. 

I am going out to dinner (dinner only) with some friends.  I will have to order some Zen-like food or maybe they will have a special mojito - or seven.