Ned makes me a crazy mom. He is so the Liar from Saturday Night Live. He topped it yesterday when Ellen was telling me she voted for Sandra Bullock on the Kid's Choice Awards. Ned actually said, "oh yeah, I met Sandra Bullock."
Ned also has pink-eye. I am not convinced that I don't have it as well. I was telling Teri on Thursday that my eye is sore. I hate missing work and having Ned miss school for something lame and piddly like pink-eye. We went to Minute Clinic, since it is Sunday. Ned asked if we could just call 1-800-PINKEYE instead? The Dr. tells me to watch for swelling, tenderness and red streaking down his face. If that happens to go to the ER. He has pink-eye, not gangrene.
My new job title is Catastrophe Analyst, yes this is a real job! I am no longer MOM, I am the C.A. No matter how hard I analyze a situation, there always seems to be a catastrophe. I like to think all my quick thinking allows us to have only minor catastrophes. But truly, someone is getting paid big bucks to do such a nebulous job.
I did slightly divert a catastrophe by only hitting the back end of a deer with the back end of my truck. We were almost past the deer, when it ran out on the road. It tried to pull up, before it hit us. It swung around and I clipped it's flank. It rolled over several times (not a pretty sight) and then ran into the forest. It was a weird accident, just a small dent on the car. Joe Isuzu announced that it's tail fell off and was lying in the road.
My friend, Wendy, suggested I try my corporate commenting on a company like Nike, so that I get free shoes. I really didn't know I would get a better cable date by bringing it up! I don't think Nike will send me free stuff for the following reasons.
1. I have been boycotting Nike for about seven years, because I bought the most uncomfortable pair of tennis shoes ever. They were crippling uncomfortable. Also, with the tennis shoes I bought a tennis skort. Damn thing had no pockets. It was wide to look like a skirt, so you couldn't tuck up a ball. Having no where to put a ball makes tennis almost impossible. It was definitely form over function.
2. I buy Under Armour because they are based in Baltimore.
3. They are the cool product with all the kids. They look so cute in the tight shirts that always seem to hang to their knees.
If I want free stuff, I need to aim high and hope for something from Tiffanys. A girl can always dream.
"Go back," said the weather. And so it did. Spring, where are you?
My last Ned story....for today. I heard him ask Ellen and Ian how you say konichiwa in spanish?
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