This post is for my kids. I am always telling them to talk about something else, but it never works. I am trying to decide if I should take Hoover to the emergency room for the terrible gas that he has. Maybe I should take myself to the emergency room for the terrible gas he has. It is truly noxious. He is so happily snoring away or I would kick him out of my room. I switched him to organic food to help with this enormous problem, but I think it made things worse. I might have to see what cheapo grocery store kibble does, at least I wouldn't be spending as much for this air pollution.
Cats don't really fart much. Sometimes if you accidentally squeeze them they may do a little poot, but they are much more dignified than dogs. It could be they have better waste processing systems. Whatever the reason, it is definitely a plus for felines over canines.
In kindergarten all the kids brought in a favorite book. Ned took in "The Gas We Pass". I am always THAT mom.
Yesterday at lunch the person next to me did a big fart and just acted like he didn't. Ew, it does ruin lunch a little bit. When Teri and I were at a fancy restaurant in AZ a women farted long and loudly in the restaurant. Not once as whoops, but twice as a who the hell cares. Well I care, because I got the giggles. I just couldn't stop laughing.
The kids have been watching some Youtube videos where guys pretend to fart on people in Walmart. It is so incredibly rude and also hysterical. It is a good laugh until they almost get beat up by guy totally offended by someone farting on his wife.
I fart in your general direction.
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Thursday, February 23, 2012
I Don't Know
Thing 2 is always asking me these crazy questions and I end up saying, "I don't know." I say this frequently and it drives him nuts. He wants me to know the answer and I don't. I usually don't know the answer for anything, having a brain tumor really messed with my information recall. Anyway, last night Ian asked,
If people had feathers and cats had feathers, who would fly better?
How do I answer this? Do I just pick one? Do I use up limited brain resource and ponder it? I try to dodge, by telling him neither one has feathers. "Well, what if?" Okay, Ian, cats would fly better, because they do everything better. "But what if people had bigger wings?"
Would you rather marry Bon Jovi or Bono?
Hmmm, this deserves an "I don't know" because I don't want to limit my options. He wants a definitive answer. He also doesn't like when I give a positive for both options. He wants an answer. Then he asks why don't I get married? "I don't know." He gets really frustrated so I told him, "because I have cancer." His response is "good point.........who would you rather marry Bon Jovi or Bono?" I finally tell him Bono, because I have liked him since I was 17..........but Bon Jovi is so handsome and nice. "Would you live in Ireland?" Ugh, I don't know!
Add all this to routine questions of:
Where are my shoes, where's the milk, where is my bag of M&M's that had one M&M left, why are you late, why are we early, how do you know, why not, what for, how come, do I really, you won't let me, you want me to eat that, can I go, can I stay, are we there yet, if I only had 3 toes would I still wear socks?
I DON'T KNOW!
If people had feathers and cats had feathers, who would fly better?
How do I answer this? Do I just pick one? Do I use up limited brain resource and ponder it? I try to dodge, by telling him neither one has feathers. "Well, what if?" Okay, Ian, cats would fly better, because they do everything better. "But what if people had bigger wings?"
Would you rather marry Bon Jovi or Bono?
Hmmm, this deserves an "I don't know" because I don't want to limit my options. He wants a definitive answer. He also doesn't like when I give a positive for both options. He wants an answer. Then he asks why don't I get married? "I don't know." He gets really frustrated so I told him, "because I have cancer." His response is "good point.........who would you rather marry Bon Jovi or Bono?" I finally tell him Bono, because I have liked him since I was 17..........but Bon Jovi is so handsome and nice. "Would you live in Ireland?" Ugh, I don't know!
Add all this to routine questions of:
Where are my shoes, where's the milk, where is my bag of M&M's that had one M&M left, why are you late, why are we early, how do you know, why not, what for, how come, do I really, you won't let me, you want me to eat that, can I go, can I stay, are we there yet, if I only had 3 toes would I still wear socks?
I DON'T KNOW!
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Quilt Complete
I finished a quilt - whoohoo. This has been the first one since last may that I have finished. I started it at MAQ in a fabric weaving class. The teacher called me a trouble maker for not following the course outline. I learned the technique and then went in my own direction. I did it quietly. I enjoyed the class, but did not make a pastoral quilt.
I sit in the exam room at Dr. Fetting's office A LOT. There is not much to notice, it is a typical exam room. The room has a picture, a small mirror, a small plastic breast showing cancer and the "rate your pain picture". Not much to keep you entertained. I have counted the ceiling tiles and studied the air conditioning vent. This vent is what I based my quilt on, it turned out interesting. I really like it.
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Lost Track of My Veils
Last night while trying to fall asleep a completely unexpected memory/memories surfaced. I hadn't thought about this in YEARS. The summer I was fourteen my mother had me be a candy striper. I think back on it and probably she just didn't know what else to do with a surly teenager. I know I could not have wanted to do this, my grandfather died there the summer before. I know I did not want to wear that horrible jumper of pink and white - ugh. I got a badge for working over 80 hours that summer. I would like to say I did the normal candy striper things like push around the library cart - who checks out a book in the hospital. Three memorable jobs came to me. I think maybe I really do have bad luck and have just always deceived myself into thinking myself lucky.
My first candy striper from hell experience is wheeling a dead body to the morgue. The nurse had me take it not just to the morgue, but into the morgue. I had to ride the special elevator and go down the creepy halls. She kept urging me on to hurry so no one would see the dead body. I saw it! I am 14. I report back to the candy striper office and get in trouble for going to the morgue. They sent out a memo no candy stripers allowed in the morgue.
My second experience was feeding an old, old, old man his lunch. I just keep putting it in and he stored it all up like a chipmunk. He did this rasping cough and coughed his entire lunch all over me. I didn't eat baked pototes for a long time. I am 14 - ewww!
The third lovely task set to me by a nurse was to change the sheets on a bed. Now I had changed lots of beds, but not with patients in it. The patient had his appendix removed that day. Why did they make him get out of bed for clean sheets? As deserved, he yelled at me for making him get up. I felt awful, but changed the sheets as directed. I was close to tears the entire time. His family standing around watching me do this.
The last event involved pushing a heavy patient through the tunnels to the adjoining medical building. I pushed the huge guy for miles, I was gone almost an hour. After that another memo went out saying candy stripers were not allowed to go to the medical building and be in the tunnels.
Funny how my veils are all revealing fears of medical things. I guess I could move onto my mom dropping me off at the dentist for 12 fillings. I sat in the office by myself all day and up until that appointment, with a new dentist, had never had a cavity. I could move onto the orthodontist who removed the wrong tooth and all the dentists since then who have commented on the absurdity of my orthodontia.
I think I am done removing veils.
My first candy striper from hell experience is wheeling a dead body to the morgue. The nurse had me take it not just to the morgue, but into the morgue. I had to ride the special elevator and go down the creepy halls. She kept urging me on to hurry so no one would see the dead body. I saw it! I am 14. I report back to the candy striper office and get in trouble for going to the morgue. They sent out a memo no candy stripers allowed in the morgue.
My second experience was feeding an old, old, old man his lunch. I just keep putting it in and he stored it all up like a chipmunk. He did this rasping cough and coughed his entire lunch all over me. I didn't eat baked pototes for a long time. I am 14 - ewww!
The third lovely task set to me by a nurse was to change the sheets on a bed. Now I had changed lots of beds, but not with patients in it. The patient had his appendix removed that day. Why did they make him get out of bed for clean sheets? As deserved, he yelled at me for making him get up. I felt awful, but changed the sheets as directed. I was close to tears the entire time. His family standing around watching me do this.
The last event involved pushing a heavy patient through the tunnels to the adjoining medical building. I pushed the huge guy for miles, I was gone almost an hour. After that another memo went out saying candy stripers were not allowed to go to the medical building and be in the tunnels.
Funny how my veils are all revealing fears of medical things. I guess I could move onto my mom dropping me off at the dentist for 12 fillings. I sat in the office by myself all day and up until that appointment, with a new dentist, had never had a cavity. I could move onto the orthodontist who removed the wrong tooth and all the dentists since then who have commented on the absurdity of my orthodontia.
I think I am done removing veils.
Sunday, February 5, 2012
Yoga Nidra
Every now and then I catch a yoga nidra class at HopeWell Cancer Support Center. It is a form of meditation and I like the teacher of the class. You lay on the mat and she talks you through relaxation, it is very soothing. About a third of the way through she asks you to focus on a word, something on your mind. This week my word was inspiration. I have to say I was truly inspired this weekend, more than I have been in quite awhile. This weekend I have almost finished a quilt for a little boy I know who is in Hopkins for chemo. He was just diagnosed and will be there full-time for at least a month, then months of chemo after that. The quilt I made is really cute, simple but cheerful. It makes me feel good when I really make something nice. I have also almost finished the binding on another small quilt and got the border on another. I got my applique quilt from MAQ assembled and now have to add borders. I do not love applique at all, but this quilt is pretty. I have made half a baby hat. I struggle more and more with neuropathy, my hands are sore from all of this.
I am going to say something that very few quilters say for real life. Usually, quilters have hordes of fabric - hordes and hordes actually. I have very little fabric and it is all small pieces. I have a couple of bags to donate to the guild, they are pieces I will never use, but not much left to make new quilts. I hope this inspiration continues. I am going to work on finishing up older projects that are lurking in corners. I have yarn to use also, but I am only a marginal knitter. I have trouble reading patterns and then keeping count.
I am going to say something that very few quilters say for real life. Usually, quilters have hordes of fabric - hordes and hordes actually. I have very little fabric and it is all small pieces. I have a couple of bags to donate to the guild, they are pieces I will never use, but not much left to make new quilts. I hope this inspiration continues. I am going to work on finishing up older projects that are lurking in corners. I have yarn to use also, but I am only a marginal knitter. I have trouble reading patterns and then keeping count.
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